On January 22, 2026 John Allen Jr. passed away in Rome at the age of 61. John was a journalist for the National Catholic Reporter and the founding editor-in-chief of Crux, an online Catholic source of news and information. John was respected for his objective and balanced reporting, no matter the subject. His professional tenacity, theological insights and encyclopedic knowledge were always generously peppered with kindness.
John Allen’s wife, Elise Ann Allen, is a fine journalist herself. She recently authored a book on Pope Leo XIV. John and Elise were long-time friends of the pope.
Upon her husband’s death, Elise Ann Allen wrote a column about her husband. She shared two bits of advice that John Allen left for us all……
John’s biggest lessons
As we mourn John’s passing and reflect on the outsized impact he had, I want to leave you all with two bits of advice that John lived by and which made him the person so many respected, as a man, and as a professional:
1) Be gracious. In a world where anger and contempt often dominate our interactions with others, John would always say, “Just be gracious. I have never regretted being the more gracious party in a dispute, but I’ve often regretted being the more reactionary.” Being gracious to him, in a dispute or not, wasn’t a matter of biting his tongue or a superficial way of blowing off others, it was part of his character. If the world were to put this personal code of his into practice, it would be a very different, and a much more human place.
2) “Never reduce someone to their worst moment.” John lived by this motto. In many ways, it’s what gave him his sterling reputation for maturity and fairness. He would always give people the benefit of doubt and chose to interpret their words and actions through the kindest and most generous lens possible. For John, no one was the sum of their worst flaws and failures. He’d often say that people are a “package deal,” a mixed bag of their gifts and weaknesses, and that the best aspects of a person almost always overshadow the worst, so choosing to look at the totality of a person was always a healthier, and more real approach in the end. He treated people like who they were at their best, no matter what, which is a quality I hope many will emulate.
There are many more things I could list, but these two aspects are the most fundamental attitudes that made John ‘the adult in the room’, as he was so often, and so aptly, called. I hope they will remain a lasting part of his legacy, not as something to look back on, but as something that can transform the future.
My Commentary:
John Allen’s two bits of advice read less like clever aphorisms and more like a quiet rule of life — simple enough to remember, demanding enough to practice, and humane enough to change the tone of a room.
“Be gracious” is not a call to weakness or avoidance. John understood that graciousness takes strength. It means resisting the impulse to win a moment at the cost of a relationship. It means choosing restraint when reaction would be easier, and dignity when outrage is tempting. In an age that rewards sharp elbows and faster retorts, John’s counsel reminds us that the deepest victories are often invisible: the argument not escalated, the bridge not burned, the humanity preserved.
His second principle — “Never reduce someone to their worst moment” — may be even more countercultural. We live in a time that freezes people in their failures and defines them by a single sentence, a single decision, a single bad day. John refused that narrowing of the human story. He saw people whole. He knew that every life is a package deal, stitched together from brilliance and brokenness, generosity and fear. To judge a person only by their worst moment is not realism. It is a distortion.
What made John’s wisdom compelling was that he lived it. He didn’t merely argue for fairness — he practiced it. He didn’t just speak about generosity — he extended it. By treating people as who they were at their best, he often called that better self forward.
If more of us took his advice seriously — if we chose graciousness over reaction and mercy over reduction — the public square would feel less brutal, our conversations less brittle, and our communities more recognizably human. That is a legacy worth carrying forward.
Do YOU find YOURSELF being gracious to all who pass YOUR way? Was there a person who YOU recently reduced to their worst moment?
ALLOW GOD TO CONTINUALLY SOFTEN YOUR HEART SO THAT IT BEATS FOR WHAT GOD’S HEART BEATS FOR – OTHER PEOPLE!
This is an important Message. It is meant to be shared. Please do. And please listen to my Podcast.
