“I saw this letter today. As a funeral director’s son, I have been around this for years. This is some of the best advice I have ever seen.”
“Grief is a funny thing. It’s the time in our life when we most need help, and also the time when asking for help is so hard. Not because we are ashamed to ask for help, although that happens sometimes too. But mostly because our brain just sort of shuts down.
When my Dad died, I looked functional. But I wasn’t OK. Not at all. And when the news got out, the ton of people flooding me with calls, texts, and DM’s was overwhelming. I really couldn’t function. I sat on the swing in our yard and just stared into space. People called and asked what they could do to help. I had no idea.
“Well, anything you need at all, let me know, OK?”
“OK”.
They hung up. I stared into space some more.
I had no idea what to do. What I needed. I didn’t even know what to ask for.
Then a friend sent a text. This friend had met Dad once but didn’t really know him. But still, she knew I was hurting. I saw who it was and almost put the phone down without reading the text, but I saw the message and it stopped me: Will you be home at 8:30 tonight?
What’s weird is this friend lives 12 hours away from me.
Yes, I replied.
“K.”
10 minutes later, she said, “Instacart will be there at 8:30. Open the door for them.”
“What?”
“Grief Groceries.!!”
When Instacart showed up, they put two large bags of groceries on my porch. Frozen pizzas. Ice cream. Oreo cookies. Tinned soup. Stouffer’s lasagna. A gallon of milk. Like that. Things I could heat up if I needed a meal, or pig out on if I needed fat and sugar. Sometimes, you just need to eat half a box of Oreos.
Notice she didn’t ask if I needed any food. I would have said no. She just asked if I would be home. Grief groceries.
This person knew something I didn’t know – that when you are grieving, you don’t want to make decisions. No, that’s not quite it: You can’t make decisions. You hit decision fatigue really fast.
So, I guess what I’m saying is, don’t ask grieving people to make big choices or decisions. In the first few days, especially, it helps to remove as many decisions from their plate as you can!
My Commentary:
Grief changes everything. Even the simplest decisions — what to eat, whom to call, what to do next — can suddenly feel overwhelming. That is why this story offers such a beautiful lesson in Christian compassion.
We often say to someone who is grieving, “Let me know if you need anything.” We mean it sincerely. But the grieving person may have no idea what they need — or may lack the strength to ask.
The friend in this story understood something deeper. She did not ask, “Do you need groceries?” She simply asked, “Will you be home at 8:30?” Then love arrived at the door in grocery bags. That is compassion in action.
Jesus rarely waited for suffering people to explain exactly what they needed. He noticed. He stopped. He touched. He fed. He wept. He acted.
When someone dies, perhaps our greatest gift is to do the same. Bring dinner. Mow the lawn. Take out the garbage. Sit quietly beside them. Make the phone call weeks later, when everyone else has returned to normal but their world has not.
Christian love does not always ask, “What can I do?”
Sometimes it simply sees what needs doing — and does it.
A frozen pizza may not look like a religious gift.
But delivered to a grieving person’s doorstep at exactly the right moment, it can become something sacred: God’s love in a grocery bag.
Think of a time when someone brought YOU grief groceries. How did it make YOU feel?
GOD HAS NEVER STOPPED BEING GOOD, WE’VE JUST STOPPED BEING GRATEFUL!
Did you enjoy today’s story and Message? Then please share it. A friend of mine just REGISTERED 18 OF HIS FAMILY MEMBERS to Treats for the Soul. He wants each of his family members to enjoy what he enjoys every day! www.TreatsfortheSoul.org. Please don’t hesitate to sign up your family members and your friends. IT’S FREE!! Only YOU can spread the Word!!
